Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
