My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
