Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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