I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
