god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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