no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
