what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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