There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
