Only a mothe r could love this liver
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
