god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
