Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
