Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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