The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
