I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
