and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
