I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't deserve a penis
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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