home. puking in laundry basket.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
