I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
