New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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