Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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