It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
