My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
