dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
