I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
