rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
