So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
