Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
