I got chris browned last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
