I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
