well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
