Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
