I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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