He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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