I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
