When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
