it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
