he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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