Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
