how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
