shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
