Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
