grandma shit on top of the toilet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
