in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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