I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
