i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
