He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
