I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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