i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
