i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
