please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
