guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
