when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
