I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
