Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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