I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
