i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We had to coat check the pizza.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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