You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
