I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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