he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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