so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize