some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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