Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
