Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
